I Am Not Gay
by DisneyFanatic2364
Summary: After hearing that her friends think she's gay, Rainbow Dash starts to question her sexuality and worries that the truth might jeopardize her relationship with Soarin. A story about sexual identity and coming out. Rated T for sexual references and language.
1. Discovery

**Please note that this story is not meant to be offensive to any group or individual and in no way is any of this canon. If you have any concerns, please refrain from rude language. This is also not a story on being gay or not being gay, but on uncovering one's identity. After a similar experience, I've wanted to write this but have not been able to until now.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony or the characters described in here.**

**Rated T for sexual references and language.**

* * *

"Thanks for flying me home, Soarin," Rainbow Dash said as she and her coltfriend landed in front of her door. "I had a great time tonight. Though," she snickered, "you really need to work on your free throws."

The light blue pegasus stallion blushed. "Yeah, basketball's not my best sport, I'll admit. I'm more into air hockey."

"Don't worry. I could always help you out."

"Thanks, but I'll never be as good as you."

"Of course not. I'm awesome!"

Soarin grinned. "You certainly are."

Rainbow Dash blushed as he leaned forward and gave her a peck on the lips. They had been going out for nearly three months now and she still felt like a filly every time they kissed. It was weird. She had not thought much about kissing before, let alone dating, but when she was with Soarin, none of that seemed awkward. Their relationship was casual, without the lovey-dovey stuff. It was not that Soarin was unromantic, but Rainbow just liked hanging out with him as if they were not dating.

She had been surprised and embarrassed the first time he had kissed her, but as time went on, she did not mind so much. He treated her like one of the guys, yet she felt like a girl whenever he was with her. He was very humble and a very good listener. Most colts would roll their eyes after hearing her talk about herself for an hour. Soarin had said he liked hearing her talk and that she had every reason to be proud of herself. Although she had never admitted it, she liked hearing him talk as well, about the Wonderbolts, his childhood dreams of flying, or just small talk, like whether peaches or pineapples tasted better.

They had a lot in common, with a few exceptions. For one thing, she was the better athlete and the bigger braggart. He was wackier and a sloppy eater. Rainbow did not mind. After putting up with Pinkie Pie for years, she was used to it.

She enjoyed it when they played sports together and took flights through the starry sky. Their dates were always so chill and not extravagant.

Indeed, Rainbow liked how things were going between them.

"Well," Soarin said, spreading his wings. "I guess I'll be going."

Rainbow Dash frowned. This was how most of their dates ended, but for some reason, she did not want him going this time. At least, not yet. She quickly grabbed his foreleg before he could take off.

"Wait," she said. "The night's still young. Do you want to...come in for a bit?"

Soarin looked back at her with wide eyes and Rainbow started to regret what she had said. Her father had warned her about letting colts into her house late at night when she was alone, but she did not think there was anything to worry about. Soarin was not that kind of stallion.

"We can work on your free throws," Rainbow quickly said. "I have a mini-gym with a hoop. We could also play some video games."

Soarin stared at her for a long while and then grinned.

"Sure. Sounds great."

Rainbow smiled back and turned to open the door for him. She was looking forward to the rest of their night together.

* * *

Rarity glanced at the clock tower for the twentieth time, but it seemed like the hands of time were frozen. She and Rainbow Dash had made plans to meet at the cafe for lunch and she was fifteen minutes late! Now, her pegasus friend was not the most punctual of ponies, but she was not usually this late.

The unicorn then saw said pegasus walking slowly toward the café.

"Well, it's about time!" she groaned. "I've been waiting here forever! What took you so...?"

She trailed off when she saw the grim look on her friend's face.

"Is something wrong, Rainbow Dash?"

The pegasus sat down across from her and said nothing for a while. Then she looked sincerely up at the unicorn.

"Rarity," she muttered, "you've been on a lot of dates, right?"

"Oh, well..." Rarity said, clearing her throat. "I wouldn't say a _lot_ of dates, but a few."

Rainbow Dash leaned forward. "Can I ask you something?"

"But of course, dear."

"You can't tell any pony about this! Not even the others. Really, it's not something I want going around."

"I won't tell any pony. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Now what is it?"

Rainbow glanced around. "Not here, okay?"

"But what about lunch?"

"Let's just eat at your place. I don't want any pony overhearing us."

The unicorn nodded in understanding and the two friends left the café for Carousel Boutique. Rarity then made them both some cucumber sandwiches and tea.

"Now, spill," she said once they were settled.

Rainbow Dash fiddled with her tea-cup as she tried to put her thoughts into words.

"Well..." she stammered. "You see...something...happened last night...with Soarin."

Rarity put down her cup. "He didn't break up with you, did he?"

"No, it's not that..."

"Did you have a bad time on your date?"

"No, we had a great time! But then..."

She paused and stared down at the floor.

"Take your time, Rainbow Dash," Rarity said.

Rainbow was not sure if she should be telling Rarity about this. While she was a good friend, she could be a gossip sometimes, but she had more dating experience than her other friends and was most likely to understand. She took a deep breath.

"Everything was going great. We went to the park, shot some hoops and then he took me home. We weren't tired, so I invited him in. We played some games and then I got us something to drink."

She saw the astonished look in Rarity's eyes and groaned. "Soda, of course. I would never drink with a guy around. Anyway, we weren't under influence or anything, but we were on the couch and...we started making out. A lot."

Rarity blinked. "Is that it?"

"It's not that, I mean we've made out before. It's what happened after that. Soarin...well, he..."

The unicorn gasped. "Oh my Celestia! He didn't...take advantage of you, did he?"

"No, it's not like that! But...he wanted to...you know..."

Rarity looked like she was going to faint. "_Did _you?"

Rainbow Dash looked away. "No. I...I couldn't...I didn't...I didn't _want_ to. He was cool with it though when I told him, but then he left."

Neither of them said anything for a while. It was Rarity who broke the silence.

"It's nothing to worry about, Rainbow Dash. You just aren't ready yet. After all, you and Soarin haven't been going out for that long."

"That's not the thing. What worries me is that I didn't _want_ to do it! I thought I did, I mean...why wouldn't I? I love Soarin! I really do! I haven't really told him yet, but I do! He's cool to hang out with and I can't imagine being with any pony else, but...I never thought about us..._doing_ it."

She paused and looked her friend in the eye. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you, dear," Rarity assured her. "Maybe Soarin is just not the one."

"But he's the only guy I've ever dated. With the exception of that blind date with Caramel you set up."

"Maybe that's the thing. You have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince."

"I'm not talking about kissing! I'm talking about sex!" Rainbow quickly looked around. "Sweetie Belle's not here, is she?"

"No, she's with her friends," Rarity said. "By all means, feel free to use any adult language. It will make things easier."

"Whatever. Just explain to me why I didn't want sex with Soarin!"

The unicorn cleared her throat. "Well, there's no doubt you're attracted to him, just not in...that way."

"I get that, but why?"

"Maybe he's not your type."

Rainbow stomped her hooves on the table. "Not my type? He's a Wonderbolt for crying out loud! He's almost as great a flyer as I am! On top of that, he's sweet, considerate, and doesn't mind that I want to take things slow!"

"Of course, he may be your type personality-wise, but maybe..." Rarity shook her head. "No, it's silly."

"What?"

The unicorn bit her lip nervously. "Well...it's nothing to be ashamed of, but..."

Rainbow narrowed her eyes at her. "But what?"

"See...before you started dating Soarin, we...well, you never seemed all that interested in colts, so we thought..."

"What? You thought what?"

Rarity shut her eyes. "We sort of thought you weren't interested in colts at all but rather you were interested in..."

She could not go on. She was ashamed to say it. She did not need to say it. Rainbow read the word in her face and it made the pegasus' eyes widen.

"Oh my Celestia!" she exclaimed. "You thought I was _gay_?!"

"Well," Rarity squeaked, "you never so much as looked at colts. We just assumed..."

"Oh, you _assumed_, huh?"

The unicorn shrieked as Rainbow Dash jumped onto the table, knocking over the tea set in the process.

"Why? Because I didn't date? Because I didn't flirt? Because I act like a guy? You just assumed I was a _fillyfooler_?!"

"Like I said! It's nothing to be ashamed of! I mean once you started going out with Soarin, those thoughts were dashed..."

"You shouldn't label ponies as gay just because they aren't all girly or flirty or whatever the reason might be! I've never even looked at a mare!"

Rarity took a deep breath. "Well...I sometimes thought because you were so protective of her that...you and...and Fluttershy..."

Rainbow choked. "Me and...and Fluttershy?! Are you kidding?! She would never go for a relationship like that! She doesn't even have the courage to ask a _stallion_ out!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't really believe it entirely, but..."

The pegasus smacked herself on the forehead. "I can't believe it! One of my best friends thinks I'm a fillyfooler!"

"It's a possibility. I mean it explains why you and Soarin didn't..."

"I'm just not ready yet! Okay?! Goodbye! Thanks for nothing!"

With that, Rainbow Dash zoomed out of the boutique and rocketed up into the clouds. She touched her hoof on one and it instantly turned gray, reflecting her anger.

"I can't believe it," she muttered to herself as she paced back and forth. "She thought I was gay! I'm _not_ gay! I don't like mares! I like stallions! I have a wonderful coltfriend! There's no way I'm a lesbian!"

She stopped in her tracks and her expression grew from furious to concerned.

"Am I?"

She sat down and thought about it. True, she did not really flirt with stallions, not even Soarin. She did not even stare at their flanks whenever they bent down. In fact, as soon as she saw them, she would look away in disgust. Now that she thought about it, she never really stared at Soarin's flank either, or felt his muscles or ogled at his hotness.

Then again, she did not find him "hot." He was cute, sure, but she was not that focused on his looks. She had never thought of any stallion as "hot." Handsome, maybe, but not "hot," or even "sexy." They just never seemed like the right words to use.

She had had a few crushes in the past. There was this one colt she had met at Flight Camp she had considered cute, but that crush had ended once she found out he had a girlfriend. When she was a teenager, Soarin had been her idol, but like all celebrity crushes, it came and went. It had returned the day Soarin asked her out, right after both their teams had qualified for the Equestria Games. Other than that, she had not been interested in many colts.

Did that mean she was interested in mares?

No, if that was the case, why were the only ponies she had ever been attracted to male? Then again, had she really been attracted to them? If she was as attracted to Soarin as she thought, why was she not able to go all the way with him? She liked him. She really did. So why?

What if she really was gay? What did that mean? Would she have to break up with Soarin? That thought made her stomach churn.

It was not that she was against that sort of thing. After all, her friends Lyra and Bon Bon had been together for a while and she never had a problem with it, though she could not help but cringe every time she saw them kiss. Other than that, Rainbow was not really homophobic. What concerned her was that if she turned out to be homosexual, it would jeopardize her current relationship and she did not want that to happen.

Then something else occurred to her. If Rarity thought she was gay, did her other friends think so too?

Rainbow Dash gazed down at Ponyville and caught sight of her pink friend bouncing down the street.

"Hey, Pinkie!" she called.

Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing and glanced up to see the pegasus zooming towards her.

"Hi, Rainbow Dash!" the pink party pony piped. "What's up? You know, other than yourself."

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "I need to talk to you about something, Pinkie. Can we go to your place?"

Pinkie smiled. "Sure! No problem! Follow me!"

She followed her pink friend to Sugar Cube Corner. Rainbow glanced around to see if they were alone. Pinkie seemed to read her mind.

"The Cakes are away this weekend, visiting Mrs. Cake's mother in Trottingham. We have the whole place to ourselves! So what did you want to talk about?"

Rainbow groaned, figuring she should get straight to the point.

"Do you think I'm gay?"

Pinkie blinked for a moment and then giggled.

"Of course not, silly!"

Rainbow sighed in relief.

"I mean...I was _hoping_ you were!"

The pegasus' eyes widened. "What?!"

"Oh, it's nothing, just that I sort of had a crush on you for a while! But then you started dating Soarin and I figured there's no way you're gay, unless you're bi or pansexual or just dating a guy to hide the fact that you're gay..."

"Whoa, whoa, back up! What was that about you having a crush on me?"

"Didn't I tell you? I'm pansexual!"

"You're what now?"

"It means I'm attracted to every gender! Boys, girls, transgenders, hermaphrodites..."

"Never mind. This isn't about _your_ sexual orientation, it's about _mine_! Soarin made a move on me last night and I...well, let's just say I didn't respond to it like I thought I would, and then Rarity said I might be gay, but I've never really been attracted to girls, but I'm starting to think maybe..."

"Only one way to find out!"

Rainbow opened her mouth to ask what she was talking about, when she was stopped by Pinkie's lips. The pegasus was so shocked, she couldn't move. After about three seconds, she pulled a way and spat at the ground in disgust.

"Pinkie!" she screamed. "What the hell?!"

"Huh," Pinkie said, tapping her chin. "That played out a lot better in my head."

"Blech!" Rainbow gagged, trying to wipe the taste of Pinkie off her tongue. "Why in Equestria did you _kiss_ me?!"

"So we could find out if you're gay! Judging from your reaction, I take it you didn't enjoy it."

"You think?!"

"Then that proves you don't like girls! Well, either that or you just don't like _me_. I don't know whether I should feel happy for you or insulted."

"But did you have to _kiss_ me?!"

"Hey! At least there was no tongue involved!"

Rainbow let out an angry groan. "Let's never speak of this again, okay?!"

Pinkie nodded and did her Pinkie Promise gesture.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Oh, and word of advice: you might want to consider a breath mint."

The pegasus glared at her friend for a while before storming out of the shop and slamming the door.

"You're welcome!" Pinkie called. After a few seconds, she sighed sadly. "Note to self: no more falling for best friends."

* * *

Rainbow was still trying to get over the disgust of having to kiss Pinkie Pie! _Pinkie Pie_! One of her best friends! And a girl! _I just kissed a girl!_

Then again, she could understand what Pinkie was getting at. The two of them were buds and if she did like girls, Rainbow saw no reason why she would not like Pinkie. While she was crazy, she was very reliable, especially when it came to secrets, and their prank wars were so much fun!

But never in the wide world of Equestria had Rainbow ever thought of _kissing_ Pinkie!

This just proved that she did not like girls and that made the pegasus smile. Her problems were solved and she could go back to having a steady relationship with her boyfriend!

Her smile did not last for long. The fact that she did not like Pinkie's kiss did not explain why she could not do it with Soarin. Also, as much as she hated to admit it, Pinkie's kiss was not all that bad. She tasted of frosting.

Did that mean she liked girls after all?

Rainbow refused to believe that. Pinkie's lips just tasted good, that was all. She had not felt anything.

She stopped in her tracks as she saw a certain yellow pegasus come down the street towards her. Rarity had thought she and Fluttershy had a thing. Did Fluttershy think that too? She would hate to find out two of her best friends were crushing on her, especially in the same day. Of course, it would make sense for Fluttershy because she was so shy, but for a long time, Dash had suspected she and Discord had a thing going on. The idea made her want to gag, but better Discord than herself.

Rainbow had to know if Fluttershy had the same opinion as Rarity and Pinkie.

"Oh, good morning, Rainbow Dash!" the yellow pegasus greeted.

"Do you think I'm gay?" Rainbow asked abruptly.

Fluttershy froze and her knees started buckling.

"I...I..."

After a long period of shuddering, she zipped into the sky and disappeared even faster than Rainbow Dash ever could. The multi-colored pegasus slapped herself in the forehead.

"What was I thinking, asking _Fluttershy_ a question like that?"

She would never get a word out of her shy friend. Rainbow needed to go to some pony who could give her an honest opinion. And there was no pony in Equestria more honest than Applejack.

* * *

"Sounds like quite the identity crisis," Applejack said after Rainbow explained the whole story to her.

The pegasus sighed. "You don't think I'm gay, do you?"

"Well..." Applejack said before bucking another apple tree.

"Not you too, AJ!"

"I don't personally think you're gay, but there have been rumors about you and Fluttershy."

Rainbow snorted. "Yeah. Rarity told me."

"Some ponies thought you and I were a couple."

"What?!"

Applejack shrugged. "Yeah, the Running of the Leaves got ponies talkin'."

"But...that's just...WHAT?! I mean you're cool and all, AJ, but..."

"You can relax, I don't mind. Besides, I got my eye on someone else."

Rainbow tilted her head. "It's not that Trenderhoof guy, is it?"

The cowgirl cringed at the memory of that stallion. "We'll talk about my love life later. Anyway, there have also been rumors of you and Twilight."

This made Rainbow jump to her hooves. "WHAT?! Girl or boy, I would _never_ date an egghead!"

"Oh, yeah. There were also some about you and Pinkie."

"Oh, well that sort of make sense, but WHAT?! I suppose there are rumors about me and Rarity too?!"

Applejack tapped her chin. "Actually, I haven't heard much about you and Rarity."

Rainbow slammed her back against a tree and slid to the ground. "I don't believe this! How can ponies think I'm a fillyfooler? And how can I be one with _all_ my friends?! And why are they picking on _me_?! You spend as much time with the others as I do! Why me?!

The cowgirl shrugged again. "It could just be because you're a tomboy."

"So are you! I don't see as many rumors going around about _you_ being gay!"

"Rainbow, they're just dumb rumors. I don't believe one word of them, and neither should you."

"But what if they're right? What if...what if I _am_ gay?"

"So what if ya are? There's nothin' wrong with it."

"But...I've never had those kind of feelings towards mares, only towards Soarin."

"Then there ya go. You're not gay. Problem solved."

"Then why wasn't I able to go all the way with Soarin?"

Applejack sighed in defeat. "Look, I'm no expert on love...or sex. Maybe you should talk to Twilight. I'm sure she has a book or somethin' that could help ya."

Rainbow groaned. "Or she'll just give me a long, boring lecture."

"Either way, a little research never hurt any pony."

"Fine."

* * *

"Hmm," Twilight uttered as she searched through her bookshelves. "It's in here somewhere."

"Do _you_ think I'm gay too?" Rainbow grumbled.

"How would I know? You can't really tell a pony's sexuality just by looking at them. You might not even be homosexual."

"Then what else would I be?"

"Well, there are other sexualities besides hetero and homo."

"If you mean bi, I know about that too."

"No, I'm talking about the other, lesser-known ones."

Rainbow blinked. "You mean there's _more_?"

"Uh-huh. There's asexuality, demisexuality, polysexuality, pansexuality..."

"Hey, Pinkie mentioned that."

"Oh, yes. I nearly forgot that Pinkie's a pansexual."

"What? How did _you_ know that?"

"She came to me a few months ago. She was questioning, like you. I gave her a book and she found her true sexuality."

"So what is pansa...whatever you said, anyway?"

"A pansexual, often confused with bisexual, is some pony who experiences sexual, romantic, and/or spiritual attraction to ponies of all sexes, including those who don't necessarily identify themselves as male or female."

Rainbow was even more confused. "Huh?"

Twilight rolled her eyes and used a word only her friend would know: "Transgender."

"Oh."

"Another word to describe Pinkie would be gender-blind."

"So...you're saying that I'm not gay...but one of these other things?"

"I'm saying it's possible. You could just be paranoid, but... Ah, here it is!"

The alicorn used her magic to levitate a book from the shelf and into Rainbow's hooves. The pegasus read the cover:

"_Sexuality 101: Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex but Were Afraid to Ask_."

She looked wearily at Twilight. "Why do you even have this?"

The alicorn blushed for a moment before replying. "This is a library. We have books on every subject and genre. This is the book I gave Pinkie. It has a detailed description on every sexual orientation and even a quiz that is scientifically proven to be ninety percent accurate."

"What about the other ten?"

"Trust me. It's a fantastic reference guide. It's from the same company that published my slumber party guide! It was a great help for me."

"You?" Rainbow looked up questioningly at the alicorn. "What are you?"

"Demisexual. It's pretty simple to explain. It means I get attracted to ponies, but not as intensely as most. I don't experience sexual attraction unless I have a strong emotional connection to some pony."

"Okay, too much information."

Twilight tapped on the book. "You'll find everything you need to know in here."

Rainbow sighed. She had always hated studying, but she was determined to find out what was wrong with her. She also found herself curious of these other sexualities Twilight was talking about. So as soon as she got home, she opened the book to the table of contents, found the quiz and turned to it. She then took a pencil and paper out of her desk to write her answers.

"Let's see..." she said as she scanned the page. "_Which genders are you attracted to?_" She snorted. "I'm pretty sure it's just colts."

She wrote down the letter corresponding to her answer and read the next question: "_Which genders do you enjoy/imagine kissing?_" Rainbow tapped her chin. "Well, I've had a taste of both now. Pinkie's kiss wasn't bad and all, but...I kind of like Soarin's more." She shrugged. "Colts. Okay, next question: _Which genders do you enjoy/imagine having sex with?_"

This was where Rainbow started feeling queasy. She really had to think about this one. Had she ever experienced that deep an attraction towards some pony? She shivered at the memories of those horrifying lectures in Health Class. She had not even thought about it with Soarin, and her lack of sexual attraction had been proven last night.

She glanced at the page and then wrote her answer down: _Neither._

Rainbow turned the page and covered the book with a shriek.

"EW, GROSS!"

She turned to the next page immediately. The question there read: _How did that image make you feel?_

"Nauseated," muttered Rainbow, about ready to barf as she read the next question. "_Do you mastur...? _What does that even mean?"

She knew she should have paid more attention in Health Class. After hearing how foals were made, she had pretty much zoned out the rest of the semester. Fortunately, the page number with the definition of the word was printed beneath the question. Rainbow quickly turned to that page and gagged once she read the definition.

"No! Who even does that?!"

Her nausea increased as she went through the rest of the quiz, answering deeply personal, sickening questions. Even though no pony was around to see this, she still felt embarrassed.

Then she came to the final question, which made her raise an eyebrow.

"_Which sounds better? Sex or cake?_" She snorted. "That's a no-brainer. What could be better than cake?"

She turned the page so she could add up her score. She was so relieved it was finally over, until she looked at her result.

What she saw was not what she had expected.

* * *

**You'll find out in the next chapter and I can explain my full reasons behind this story.**


	2. Fears

**Warning: things get a little dark in this chapter.**

* * *

"What the hay is an asexual?!"

She read the line beneath the word, telling her what page to go to. Turned out there was a whole chapter on the subject.

"_An asexual (slang term: "ace") is some pony who experiences no (or very little) sexual attraction_," Rainbow read. "_That does not necessarily mean they cannot be attracted romantically. Asexuals can be heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic or aromantic._

"_Like all sexual orientations, asexuality is not a choice, but a way of being. Most asexuals have no problem with sex, or are unable to have it, but have very little interest in it. Asexuals will have sex for the sake of having children or pleasing their partner..._"

As she read on, Rainbow felt the uneasiness that had been building up inside her melt away.

"_Many asexuals grow up believing they are homosexual and while some are homoromantic, there is no physical part of them that desires sex. Some might experience sexual arousals, but not feel the need to act upon them. Aces usually favor strong platonic relationships over sexual ones, even with their partners..._"

Rainbow put the book down for a moment and stared up at the ceiling.

It explained everything.

Since she was a teenager, she had known there was something that set her apart from the other fillies, not just her tomboyish attitude. She never quite understood why all her female friends in Cloudsdale could talk about were boys and why every conversation would lead to sex. At one point, she could not even mention the word "banana" around them.

Maybe that was why she had grown fond of Fluttershy. The shy pegasus was always too embarrassed to talk about such things, so her mind did not seem as messed up. Rainbow could see why ponies had interpreted their relationship differently with all the time they spent together. She and Fluttershy were close, but only because she was her oldest friend and, for a while, had been her only flying buddy. She was willing to protect her at all costs, but her feelings did not run any deeper than that.

Now that she thought about it, she had strong ties with all five of her friends and while others had seen them the wrong way, they were purely platonic. Rainbow Dash had never seen them as anything more. Were best friends not supposed to be close?

Then she thought of Pinkie Pie. She had apparently thought they should be something more.

"Oh, dang," Rainbow said, putting her hoof to her forehead. "I ran out of there in such a huff, I probably hurt her feelings!"

Perhaps her pink friend would understand after she explained things to her.

The idea made Rainbow smile. She was not gay. She was ace. For the first time in her life, she felt a sense of belonging. The sexual part of heterosexuality never quite did it for her and she was not interested in girls. Being ace also meant she could stay in her relationship with Soarin! They could go back to the way things were: casual and non-sexual!

Then her face fell as another thought occurred to her. Did Soarin or her friends even know what asexuality was? She had not even heard of it before today. Twilight was sure to know, as there was no doubt she had read this book from cover to cover. What about Pinkie? Had she looked it up while using this? Fluttershy, as she was shy anyway, was sure to understand, right? And Applejack, who was understanding about almost anything, there would be no problem telling her, right? And what about Rarity?

"Maybe not," Rainbow uttered. "She's so colt-crazy she probably wouldn't get it."

She looked back at the open book and stiffened once she read the next paragraph:

"_It is harder for asexuals to come out than it is for homosexuals. As they only make up one percent of the pony population, most ponies do not know about asexuals. They are even discriminated by members of the LGBTQ community. It may seem like a respectable orientation, but as sex is considered a natural desire in creatures, asexuals may seem to sexuals as incomplete or unnatural. The same can be said for demisexuals, who only experience sexual attraction towards those they have strong emotional connections with._

"_There are many things said about those who identify themselves as asexuals, that it is not a "thing," that they are cold and insensitive, that they are too afraid to admit they are homosexual, that they are going to die alone, that they like cake (though really, who doesn't like cake?), or that they simply have not found the right pony yet. Some think there is something wrong with asexuals and they need to fix that with corrective rape..._"

Rainbow Dash closed the book, not being able to read further.

Was that true? Were asexuals really so discriminated? She was confused. Did they not put a strong emphasis on abstinence in Health Class? Did parents not want their daughters to get knocked up? Did being asexual not make things easier?

_Corrective rape._ The term made Rainbow shiver. Did ponies really do that? If she told Soarin about her asexuality, would he...?

She shook the idea out of her head. No, Soarin would never do a thing like that. Still, how would he feel when he learned she would never go all the way with him? He had made it clear last night that he wanted to do it with her. Sure, he was cool that she did not want to do it now, but if she never wanted to do it, how would that affect their relationship?

This was even more serious than when she had discovered her love for reading. Reading was a common thing. Not wanting to do it was not. After all, that was all adult ponies talked about! Did that make her an outcast?

What about Twilight? Her situation was similar to hers. Was she an outcast too? Did the others even know she was demisexual?

And Pinkie? Well, at least she wanted it, but with every pony? Was she in love with all five of them? Rainbow remembered her reaction to Pinkie's confession. Did she face rejection all the time? Even with stallions? Not all ponies liked girls after all. That could not be easy for her.

This made Rainbow feel even more guilty.

Why had she not heard about these other sexualities before? Were they not supposed to teach you that stuff in Health Class? And what was with this discrimination against them? If society was learning to accept gays, why could they not accept aces?

The more she thought about this, the more her fear increased. How could she tell ponies about this?

She glanced at the clock and only then realized how late it had gotten.

"I should sleep on it," she said, nodding to herself. "I'll figure it all out in the morning."

She put the book on her side table, switched off her reading lamp and pulled the covers over her body. It took a while for her to fall asleep with all she had on her mind, but fatigue won the battle and she descended into Dream Land.

* * *

A single spotlight shone on her. Everything around her was dark, until another light came on, showing three judging podiums towering over her. Sitting at the highest one in the middle was Rarity, Applejack on her right and Fluttershy on her left. They were all glaring down at the multi-colored pegasus.

"Rainbow Dash," Rarity said, her sour voice echoing throughout the dark room. "You have been brought to this court on the charge of being asexual. How do you plea?"

The word escaped her lips before she could stop it: "Guilty."

Fluttershy and Applejack gasped.

"So what if I am?" Rainbow shouted. "It's not a crime! I'm not hurting any pony!"

She heard a wail to her left and turned to see Pinkie Pie, her hair flat, her hooves cuffed and chained.

"You hurt _me_!" she cried, fighting against her restraints. "Why couldn't you be a lesbian like we all thought you were?!"

"And what about _me_?!"

Rainbow turned to her right, seeing a teary-eyed Soarin standing beside her.

"We could've been happy!" Soarin exclaimed. "If you had just done what I wanted you to do, we could still be in a relationship!"

"No!" Rainbow insisted, backing away from him. "We can still have that! I just can't..."

She was interrupted as she bumped into Pinkie.

"Free me from these chains, Dashie!" the crazy mare shouted, advancing towards her. "They treat me like an out-of-control animal who doesn't know the difference between a mare and a stallion! But they'll free me if I choose!"

Pinkie was so close now that she had caused Rainbow to back into Soarin. Now she was stuck between them.

"And _you_ must choose, Dashie!" Soarin growled. "Which one of us are you willing to go all the way with?"

"Neither!" Rainbow cried as she curled up into a ball.

"You must choose, Rainbow Dash!" Rarity called from her podium. "Every pony must pick! You don't want to end up like Twilight, do you?"

The multi-colored pegasus gasped. "What did you _do_ to her?"

"The same thing we're gonna do to you," Applejack scowled.

"If you don't choose," Fluttershy said coldly, crossing her hooves.

"Well, Dashie?" Soarin urged.

"Who's it gonna be?" Pinkie asked with a dark chuckle.

Rainbow glanced between them, her fear spreading throughout her entire body.

"I...I..."

She let out a cry and hid her head beneath her hooves.

"I can't! I don't wanna!"

Rarity shook her head. "Then you leave us no choice. Rainbow Dash, the court hereby sentences you to..." She paused as she banged her gavel on the podium. "Sexual correction!"

Rainbow gasped. "What?"

"Soarin, would you care to do the honors?"

The dark grin on Soarin's face made Rainbow's blood curdle. "With pleasure."

He advanced towards her and Rainbow backed into Pinkie again. The chained mare grabbed her forelegs and pinned her to the ground. Rainbow's eyes widened as she realized what they were trying to do.

"No!" she cried, trying to wriggle out of Pinkie's grasp. "Please! Don't!"

"It's for your own good, Dashie," Rarity said, coming out from behind Soarin.

"We're tryin' to help ya," Applejack assured her.

"I don't need help!" Rainbow insisted. "I'm fine the way I am!"

"What's the matter, Dashie?" Fluttershy teased. "The toughest pony in all of Equestria is afraid of a little sex?"

"I'm not afraid! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"

"Don't worry, Dashie."

The new voice was Twilight's. She appeared behind Soarin with the others and she was smiling maliciously.

"This will fix you," she said. "It certainly fixed me."

"And us," said two female voices.

Rainbow then saw Lyra and Bon Bon, who appeared on separate sides of the group.

"Heck," Pinkie snickered above her. "I might have a go after this."

"Just relax, Dashie," Soarin said, firmly pressing his hooves on her shoulders, "and enjoy the ride."

"No," Rainbow uttered. "No! NO!"

* * *

Rainbow sat up, panting heavily. She quickly checked her surroundings and found she was alone in bed, exactly where she should be.

"Sweet Celestia!" she breathed. "That was the worst nightmare ever!"

She grabbed her Daring Do doll and clutched it to her chest for security.

"It was just a dream," she whispered, rocking back and forth. "Just a dream. Your friends would never do that. They would never do that. Especially Soarin. He would never do that. He would never do that."

She was still afraid though. From what she had read in the book, that kind of stuff happened to ponies like her. It was unlikely that her friends would go to those extremes, but they might not see her in the same way ever again.

And if word got out? Maybe her friends would not treat her that way, but others might. Who was to say they would not try what her friends had done in her dream?

Rainbow let out a sigh and flopped back onto her pillow. What was she to do? She could not hide this forever. What if Soarin made a move on her again? What if they got married some day? All married couples did it. He would question her eventually.

She rolled onto her side, her eyes staring into space. She did not want to lose Soarin. Guys like him were hard to find. She could marry him if he asked. She would even have his foals! Well, not at the moment, but some day, anyway.

Morning was a few hours away. She did not want to face it.

She had to talk to some pony, some pony who would understand. She considered Twilight, but she decided she had had enough technical advice on the subject. She thought of Pinkie Pie, but after yesterday's incident, the idea of talking to her felt awkward. Fluttershy was out of the question, as she did not like to talk about such things. As for Rarity...would she even understand? She was straighter than all of them put together, and she was the one who believed she was gay.

Applejack seemed like the most reasonable pony to talk to. She would not judge her right away and would give an honest opinion, and Rainbow was sure a conversation with her would have less tension.

But even the thought of talking to Applejack made her worry. The whole situation made her worry. It was for that reason she did not get any sleep the rest of the night.

* * *

**Now I can explain. See, there are a lot of fanfics featuring homosexual and, of course, heterosexual pairings and while that's fine and dandy, I haven't seen anything about the other sexualities. They may be few, but they exist. So I decided to change that by writing about the sexuality I know best.**

**Back in high school, people (even my mom) thought I was gay, just because I didn't seem as interested in boys as they were. I started wondering if I was gay, but girls did not appeal to me as much as boys did. When I came to college, I received more exposure to other sexualities, even ones I had never heard of. I heard about asexuality, did some research, and realized that it described me perfectly. I felt both a sense of belonging and fear, after what I read about what happens to aces. I was also surprised I had not heard about this before.**

**Anyway, I wanted to contribute to asexual awareness by writing a fanfic. I chose Rainbow Dash to be the ace in this story because she is the character most often portrayed as a lesbian, but really she could just be ace. While writing this I thought I should include some of the other lesser-known sexualities too. Pinkie Pie seemed the most likely candidate for pansexuality, since she likes making friends with every pony she meets. Also, PinkieDash is the only slash pairing I can sort of see happening. I thought of Twilight as demisexual because while she is not boy-crazy as Rarity, she seemed to hit it off pretty well with Flash Sentry in Equestria Girls. You don't have to agree with my interpretations, but I think these sexualities deserved some representatives. Applejack and Fluttershy I'm leaving open to interpretation for this fanfic, though I think we can agree: Rarity really, REALLY likes stallions.**

**That nightmare turned out darker than I intended. Please remember that it was only a dream sequence and not characterizations of any pony (except Rainbow).**


	3. Struggles

**Another short chapter, I know.**

* * *

Rainbow Dash stood frozen at Applejack's door, her hoof only inches away from its wood. She was not sure if this was a good idea. Would Applejack even understand? Rainbow had reviewed the book as much as she could, hoping it would help her with her confession. She still had doubts though.

"Come on, Rainbow," she muttered to herself. "Applejack's one of your closest pals. Of course, she'll understand."

She prepared to knock again, but hesitated. After another long pause, she turned around.

"Maybe I should just forget the whole thing."

But as she started to walk away, the door opened.

"You sure you don't want me to help with anything else?" Spike asked as he backed out of the house.

"It's fine, Sugar," Applejack said with a chuckle. "I can take it from here."

"You really sure? I can organize your sock drawer!"

The cowgirl sighed. "Spike, I don't wear any socks."

The dragon blushed. "Right. Your underwear drawer then?"

"Get out. Now."

"Don't wear that either, huh?"

"Spike..."

"Okay, okay!"

As he held up his claws and backed away, he bumped into Rainbow Dash. When she turned to face him, he was blushing.

"Whoops!" he laughed nervously. "Sorry, Dash!"

Applejack rolled her eyes as she gently pushed him away from them both. "Get out of here, ya rascal."

"Right. Sorry, again!"

As they watched the little dragon disappear over the hills, Applejack could not help but chuckle.

"What was that all about?" Rainbow asked.

"Aw, nothin'," the cowgirl said with a shrug. "Spike was just bein' Spike. So how ya doin' today? Did Twilight help ya with yerr dilemna?"

Rainbow glanced around. "Not here, okay?"

Applejack shrugged again. "No problem. Come inside. Spike and I baked some fritters this mornin'."

"Hold on. You actually let Spike into your kitchen? After what happened last time?"

"Oh, he's less trouble now. Especially when all I ask him to do is hand me the apples."

"And he didn't make a mess?"

Her question was answered when they entered the kitchen. There was a glob of squished apples over by the stove.

"Eh," Applejack said with a shrug. "He's gettin' better. Help yerrself to a fritter while I get the mop."

"Yeah, sure," Rainbow said, looking at her wearily as she grabbed a plate from the cupboard.

The thoughts swimming in her head were eager to escape through her mouth. What should she say? Should she get straight to the point?

She figured she should just start with casual conversation and work her way up.

"So, um," Rainbow uttered as she put a fritter on her plate. "Why did you let Spike ruin your kitchen again?"

Applejack rolled her eyes as she mopped the floor. "He didn't _ruin_ it. He just wanted to help."

"Why? Isn't he supposed to do that with Twilight?"

"He said he was ahead of schedule, so he came over here."

"Huh. I would've thought he'd gone to Rarity's."

"That's what I thought, but apparently Rarity had company."

Rainbow blinked. "A guy?"

"No, a client. Spike didn't say what gender though."

The pegasus smirked at the cowgirl's little joke. This eased the tension a little, but she still felt queasy in the stomach. She was both hungry and nauseated. The fritter was in her hoof, neither moving towards her mouth nor the plate. Applejack glanced at the pegasus over her shoulder. She knew from experience that when a pony lacks appetite, something is on their mind.

"You okay?"

"Huh?" Rainbow uttered, snapping out of her daze. "Oh, uh, yeah."

Applejack raised her eyebrow, not believing her.

"Is this about the whole gay thing from yesterday?"

Rainbow said nothing. Applejack let the mop drop to the floor as she moved to sit with her friend at the table.

"Come on, RD," she said, putting her hoof on hers. "You can tell me anythin'. I won't judge."

Rainbow lifted her eyes to meet hers. She did not know why it was so hard to talk to her now. When they were talking about her possible lesbianism, everything was easy. Her nightmare came to mind, and she remembered that Applejack had been one of her persecutors. Now, Rainbow was no dream interpreter, but she figured Applejack, Fluttershy and Rarity had been the judges because they were all straight, at least as far as she knew. She realized it had not been the real Applejack. No, the real Applejack was not condescending.

Then why was she so afraid to tell the truth? This was the Element of Honesty, for crying out loud! She was also the most level-headed pony she knew. Rainbow had never had trouble being open with Applejack (save the egghead incident). Why was she having trouble now?

"Dash?"

The pegasus took a deep breath. "Applejack, have you ever been in love?"

The cowgirl looked away for a moment as her cheeks turned pink. "Once."

"Well, when you were in love, did you ever think of...sex?"

Applejack's green eyes widened. "Gland sakes, Rainbow! We weren't _that_ close!"

Rainbow grinned a bit. "So you're demi?"

The cowgirl blinked. "I'm what now?"

"Demi. You know, like Twilight?"

Applejack scratched her head. "Huh?"

Rainbow's grin vanished. "She didn't tell you?"

"Didn't tell me what?"

The pegasus was silent for a long while. Then she zipped out of the house, knocking over Applejack's kitchen table in the process. Her confession would have to wait. Right now, she needed a talk with a certain alicorn.

She did not bother using the door. Instead, she burst open the shutters of the library window, surprising Twilight and Spike, who had apparently just returned.

"Rainbow?" Twilight said. "What's going...?"

"You didn't tell Applejack you were demi?!" Rainbow demanded, flying in the alicorn's face.

"Demi?" Spike said, scratching his head. "Demi what?"

Twilight's face grew pale. "Spike, I believe the room upstairs needs dusting."

"But I just dusted this morning..."

"Now!"

The dragon was taken aback by the alicorn's tone, but grabbed his feather duster and rushed upstairs. Rainbow glanced between Twilight and where Spike had gone.

"You haven't even told _Spike_?!" she asked accusingly.

"I haven't even told him about _heterosexuality_!" Twilight exclaimed. "You can't just barge in here shouting stuff like that, especially around a baby dragon!"

"You still haven't answered my question! Why does Applejack not know you're demi?"

"I...I..."

Rainbow sighed and sank to the floor. "You're afraid of coming out too, aren't you?"

Twilight looked away and nodded.

"But...you told _me_ yesterday."

"Because I figured if I gave you the book, you would find out anyway. And I thought you'd understand, since you're ace."

Rainbow gasped. "How did you know?"

"Don't get me wrong. I wasn't judging, but from how you were describing your non-sexual attractions to Soarin, it seemed the most plausible."

"If you thought I was ace, why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought it best that you figure it out for yourself."

The pegasus took a few steps towards her. "How many ponies have you told? About you, I mean."

Twilight looked her in the eyes. "Just you and Pinkie. After reading the book, she asked me."

"Yeah," Rainbow grunted as she sat down. "That book."

There was a long pause.

"It scared me," Rainbow admitted. "I mean...it was a relief at first, the idea that I actually belonged to a group. The others never really did it for me, and knowing there was another one that fit me perfectly made me feel like a weight was lifted or something. Then..."

"You read the part about corrective rape," Twilight finished with a nod. "Yep. It's disgusting, it's wrong, but it happens."

The pegasus hung her head. "I'm scared."

Twilight nodded again. "So am I. I feel like I shouldn't be. I'm not ashamed of what I am, but others..."

"Might be. Yeah. I know. Heck, it took me a while to accept that lesbianism was a thing."

"Only because you didn't understand it, I gather."

"Yeah. It's even a little hard to wrap the whole ace thing around my head."

"It's difficult, I know. Most of us grow up thinking there's only one form of love, between a mare and a stallion, because that is what pony society teaches us. It also teaches us that...sex is a part of life and that feeling the need for it is natural."

She paused as tears formed in her eyes. "You know...I didn't get all these ideas from the book. As I was growing up, I did not find myself all that interested in colts. I had a few crushes, but they were never intense. I told my parents that there was something wrong with me. They said that I...that I hadn't fully blossomed yet." She sniffed. "That I would grow out of it. Then..."

She trailed off for a moment. "I met this one colt. It was like love at first sight. And as I got to know him better, I had...thoughts. Thoughts I had never experienced before."

"Did you," Rainbow gulped, "do it?"

Twilight turned away. "It doesn't matter what happened in that relationship, just that it ended. But after him, I...I couldn't feel anything else towards other colts. I didn't even have another crush for a while, but it wasn't as strong."

She sniffed again. "I found the book, read it, took the quiz. It explained everything. But...I couldn't tell any pony. I...I was afraid they wouldn't accept me. I couldn't even tell my parents, or Shining Armor! I couldn't even talk about it with the girls! And Spike, he's too young to even know about these things! I...I..."

She buried her face in her hooves as she released all her tears. Rainbow put her hooves around her and rocked her gently.

"It's okay," she whispered soothingly. "I know how you feel. I'm too scared to even talk about it with Soarin."

Twilight raised her tear-stained face. "You're worried he'll try to..."fix" you?"

Rainbow glanced down at the floor. "I'm worried he'll dump me."

The alicorn nodded in understanding. "For what it's worth though, I don't think Soarin's that kind of guy. I mean...don't you always describe your dates as casual and non-lovey-dovey?"

"That doesn't mean we don't have a physical relationship. We've made out a couple of times and I sort of enjoy it. But...when he ran his hoof up my..."

She could not continue.

"You should tell him," Twilight concluded. "If he can't accept your preferences, maybe he's not the one for you."

"He's the one," Rainbow insisted. "I'm sure he is."

"Then he'll accept you for you."

"And what about you? Won't the others be just as accepting?"

She looked her pegasus friend in the eye and they came to the same conclusion.

"We should tell them," they both said.

"But I'm still scared," Twilight admitted.

"I am too, but we can't hide ourselves forever. I mean I had planned that, but now that I think about it, it's stupid. I mean they're our friends, right? And if they don't approve, then they're lousy friends."

"But how are we going to break it to them?"

Rainbow locked her foreleg in hers. "We'll tell them together."

Suddenly, something pink popped out of the shelves. The two of them yelped and then calmed down once they realized it was Pinkie Pie. She hopped between them.

"Ooh!" she piped. "Sounds like fun! We can have a Coming Out Party! We'll invite our friends for games and cake (which I know you love, Dashie), and then we'll all come out of the closet! Well, I wouldn't say my metaphorical hiding space is a closet, more like a bathroom..."

"Pinkie," Twilight interrupted. "That's not what a Coming Out Party..."

"It's a party, isn't it?"

"Yes..."

"And the three of us are coming out, right?"

"Right, but..."

"Then what else are we supposed to call it?"

Twilight opened her mouth, but found she could not argue with Pinkie's logic.

"So..." Rainbow uttered. "You haven't told any pony other than us that you're pan?"

"Panny," Twilight whispered.

"Right."

Pinkie shrugged. "It never came up in conversation. But the whole world might as well know! I'm panny and I'm proud!"

"Now, now, Pinkie," Twilight said. "Let's start small and just invite our friends, okay?"

Pinkie grinned. "Okay, Twi! So when should we do it? This afternoon?"

"Please, no," Rainbow insisted. "I need a little time."

"Oh. Tomorrow, then?"

The pegasus thought for a moment and then nodded.

"Sounds good to me," Twilight agreed.

"Perfect!" Pinkie squealed.

Rainbow was confused to see Pinkie so happy. Then again, she was always happy, but after yesterday, she had expected otherwise.

"Uh, Pinkie?" Rainbow asked.

"Yeah, Dashie?" Pinkie replied, ceasing her bouncing.

"Can I talk to you?" The pegasus glanced at Twilight. "Alone?"

The alicorn got the message and silently trudged upstairs. Rainbow Dash gulped as she turned to face the pink pony.

"Pinkie," she said, rubbing the back of her neck. "About what happened yesterday..."

"Don't worry about it," Pinkie said with a sympathetic smile.

"No, I really need to get this off my chest." Rainbow sighed. "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. You just caught me by surprise and... Still, I should've been more sensitive about your feelings. You're a cool pony and all, Pinkie, but...I'm just not interested in you in that way. Anyway, thanks to you, now I know for sure I'm not interested in girls."

She paused. "But for what it's worth, the kiss wasn't all that bad. And...if I did like girls...I think I would like you."

Pinkie's eyes were flowing tears of joy. "Aw, Dashie..."

The two met in a gentle embrace. It felt good to be hugged by Pinkie. Not because she was attracted to her, but because she was her friend.

"But," Pinkie said as she pulled away, "I've moved on."

Rainbow blinked in surprise. "Already?"

"Since you started dating Soarin, I've been keeping my options open, and now that I know for certain you can never be attracted to me, I can fully move on. Also, you really need to work on your kissing."

"But...who?"

Pinkie then pulled a piece of paper out of her mane, stared at it and sighed dreamily.

"I have a new love now," she declared.

Rainbow Dash peered over her shoulder to see a picture of that traveling party pony, Cheese Sandwich. The pegasus shook her head with a smirk.

"You two would be perfect together."

"You think so?" Pinkie asked.

"Come on. How often are you gonna find some pony as random as you?"

The party pony snorted. "Yeah, you may be right."

"So...no hard feelings about...?"

"No hard feelings!"

And so their continuing friendship was sealed with a shake of the hooves.

* * *

**This actually turned out to be more dramatic than I intended, especially since I ended up digging deeper into Twilight's demisexuality. Seems inconsistent, I know, considering how passive she was in the first chapter and how she easily confessed her orientation to Rainbow.**

**Really, if I didn't like CheesePie so much, I might end up shipping PinkieDash. If you think she bounced back to fast...well, it is Pinkie, after all.**


End file.
